This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. more info


Funny Quotes


Various quotes and verses for when your getting older or just feeling it. Suitable for birthdays numerous card making sentiments to bring a smile or make you laugh out loud available free of charge from essential crafts.

Quote 1

Inside every mature person is an immature person shouting , what the hell happened ?

Quote 2

On the whole the years have been kind to us all, it was the weekends that did the damage .

Quote 3

Never be afraid to try something new , live for the moment so never dance with boring people.

Quote 4

One of the main advantages of turning 70 is you only need 4 hours sleep however it is four times a day.

Quote 5

You know you`ve reached middle-age when the only weightlifting you do consists of standing up.

Quote 6

As you get older three things happen firstly your memory goes and then you cant remember the other two.

Quote 7

They say that age is all in the  mind , the trick is keeping it from creeping down into the body.

Quote 8

Dont let your age get you down , its too hard to get back up.

Quote 9

Your only young once, but can be immature for a lifetime.

Quote 10

Back in the day we turned on, tuned in and dropped out now we tune in, turn over and drop off.

Quote 11

Men chase golf balls when they`re too old and past it to chase anything else.

Quote 12

I think our kids should have all the things we never had and then we`ll move in with them.

Quote 13


For the man/woman who has everything going for him/her , eyesight going, hearing going, teeth going.

Quote 14

Old gardeners never retire, they just throw in the trowel.

Quote 15

You know your past it , when your wife whats you to go upstairs and make love to her, but you can only manage one or the other.

Quote 16

Age is a question of mind over matter, if you dont mind then it does`nt really matter.

Quote 17

You know your past it when, you sink your teeth into a steak and they stay there.

Quote 18

You know your past it when, your knees buckle, but your belt wont.

Quote 19

You know your past it when your doctor no longer x-rays you but just holds you up to the light.

Quote 20

you know your past it when your mind not only wanders but sometimes forgets to come back.

Quote 21

when you feel like the morning after but you didnt do anything the night before.
Quote 22

You dont remember when your wild oats turned into prunes and porridge.

Quote 23

Everyone is quite happy to give you a lift , simply because they dont want you behind the wheel.

Quote 24

Work is alot less fun and fun takes alot more work.

Quote 25

You like telling stories, over and over and over again.

Quote 26

When you realise the creaking in your house is actually coming from your body.

Quote 27

You realise time`s a great healer but a lousy beautician.

Quote 28

Your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.

Quote 29

You look both ways before crossing a room.

Quote 30

You buy a sheer sexy negligee but you dont know anybody whose eyesight is good enough to see through it.

Quote 31

You can still chase men/women but only downhill.

Quote 32

Every time you suck in your stomach your ankles swell.

Quote 33

You wonder how you coud be over the hill when you dont remember climbing it in the first place.

Quote 34

You sit in a rocking chair but cant get it started.

Quote 35

Your idea of weightlifting is standing up.

Quote 36

when an all-nighter means not having to get up to use the bathroom.

Quote 37

You spend an hour looking for your glasses only to find them on top of your head.

Quote 38

You start getting symptoms in places you used to get urges.

Quote 39

It takes you two tries to get up from the sofa.